A few tips for navigating change
As I shared in my last newsletter, change has found me once again and I’m moving through some personal and professional transitions. As we all know, change can be challenging. The pressure to know what you’re doing at all times is strong and change can upend all sense of safety and security.
In addition, the pull of busyness and productivity and all the insidious “musts” of patriarchal capitalism are constantly jawing in my ear. For example, I happened to get sick last week and rather than rushing back to normalcy, I actually allowed my body the time it needed to recuperate. The only problem was the gnawing sense that I was being lazy and dragging out my illness. Change is forcing me to navigate this conflict between what I’m told I should do and what I’m allowing myself to feel my way through.
As I chug along, certain things are supporting me so I thought I’d share:
1. Rest, if possible: This is not easy. Rest is not always accessible due to financial reasons, your many responsibilities, and even the barriers you learn to erect in your own head. It might be possible, however, to start to carve out little pockets of peace and quiet to nap, laze, daydream, or just not do anything in ways that don’t cause the house of cards to fall. Once you do, you might notice all that you’ve been holding, tolerating, and perhaps ignoring. Since I have prioritized rest in my day-to-day life – while simultaneously acknowledging the inner critic that tells me I don’t deserve it or that it’s better to hustle – I’m finding myself more relaxed overall. I’m enjoying doing things like cooking, catching up with friends, noticing the change of seasons, and sitting with the complexity of what is happening in the world.
2. Reflect: I’m having trouble locating the actual quote, but it went something like this: “When resting, fact backwards.” This rocked me. At the point I read it, I realized that whenever I allowed myself to slow down even a little, mentally I was planning my next move. The idea of turning my focus to the past – where I’ve come from, what I’ve accomplished, what has changed – was very new. And powerful. It’s a practice and I cannot say I’m good at it…yet. But I’m trying.
3. Talk to someone or write or both: Perhaps you’ve heard that writers write to find out how they feel. I think the same could be said about two friends talking. Or talking to a therapist. Whether writing or talking comes more naturally, consider it an emergent way of discovering what is coming to life and fruition and awareness in your mind, body, and heart.
4. Be very, very gentle: I’ve said it already but I’ll say it again: change is hard. It’s one of the three marks of existence because it is so consistent and challenging for us. You might be more emotional during periods of transition. You might find old thought patterns coming back from the past. It’s ok, you’re not going backward, you are moving through change, and you need gentleness.
5. Allow for space: Rest, reflection, self-expression, and gentleness are all wonderful ways of welcoming spaciousness into your life. Because it is so different from what we are used to, though, it can be helpful to have a specific practice that supports you in making space. Meditation has become that practice for me. It is not perfect and that is exactly as I feel it should be. Because it happens regularly enough, because I am living into the awareness afforded me by the practice, allowing space through meditation continues to help me discern what is happening right now and what is the next right step.