Here's what I'm thinking when people tell me what they eat

Most people I speak with - both professionally AND personally - are afraid of what I think when they tell me what they eat. They assume - often because this has been true of RDs they've spoken with in the past - that I'm judging their choices and imagining "healthy swaps" to replace what they are eating with what they "should" be eating. In fact, I'm thinking about very different things and I realized it might be useful to you to know what they are:

1. I'm literally ALWAYS thinking "are they eating enough?" This is surprising to a lot of folks who assume the "problem" is too much food instead of not enough. But the diet culture has so distorted our relationship with food that often we are eating in a restrained or restrictive way either at certain times of the day or week or generally eating irregularly over the course of our waking hours. 

2. I'm wondering what the rhythm of eating is. That means, between the time you wake up and the time you go to sleep, what is the spacing of meals and snacks? Are they too close together or, more likely, too far apart? Eating regularly generally means eating every 3-4 hours so that you have the chance to get hungry but not so hungry that eating becomes chaotic. 

3. I'm trying to figure out what the composition of macronutrients is - what is the balance of protein, carb, and fat. This is not because any macronutrient is better or worse than another. We need all three. But if one or more are too low or out of proportion, it can affect things like satisfaction and how hunger emerges at the next eating experience.

4. I'm listening for how you feel when you're eating. Are you eating food with your body while your mind is telling you "you shouldn't be eating this," "you really screwed up this time," or "you'll have to make up for this at the next meal." Even if you aren't actually restricting the number of calories you ingest, thinking that you should be restricting or eating differently than you are has serious negative affects on your body and mind. You miss out on satisfaction. You miss the chance to discover what you really like and how much of it you need to feel like you've had "enough." And we don't fully understand the impact of this kind of stress on the body, but I feel I can safely say it's not great for overall wellbeing.

5. I'm wondering what prompts you to eat? Are you eating in response to physical hunger cues for the most part? A schedule? Emotional upheaval? Entertainment? All of these are valid reasons to eat but the overall picture tells me how attuned you are to your body's needs and whether you have adequate resources to support yourself through the ups and downs of everyday life. 

6. I'm wondering what you're eating that you don't like and what you're not eating that you do like. Food rules and beliefs, when left uninvestigated, can result in eating that doesn't reflect your unique likes and dislikes. Drawing out these beliefs rooted in diet mentality can help clarify what will feel truly nourishing and satisfying.

7. I'm listening to what decides when an eating experience is over. Is it an internal signal? A serving size? Guilt or remorse? A painful or uncomfortable sensation? Like the cues to start eating, the cues to stop eating say a lot about where you are in rebuilding body trust. 

I always have a million questions when someone is sharing how, what, when, and how much they eat but it's not in order to reshape your eating to some ideal standard. It's to help you clarify what would bring you satisfaction, pleasure, and wellbeing. These are some of my top concerns but there are always more things to clarify. Knowing this, might you turn your own attention away from what you "should" be doing and how attuned you are to your own wisdom and intuition?