Asking for help to learn more self-regulation skills

Asking for help may look different at different times. Who and how you ask for help has everything to do with your specific needs at the time. Consider the list below as a starting point because going into adequate detail is beyond the scope of this book. Contemplate your needs or discuss them with someone you trust to determine what steps you can take to care for your tender heart.

Relationships: Sometimes the people you need support from are right there in front of you. Your spouse, roommate, friend, parent, sibling—the people you interact with most may be the ones to make a difference as you embark on or deepen an Intuitive Eating practice and tend to the deeper emotional wounds you’ve suffered. Setting boundaries, teaching others how to support you, helping them understand what is not supportive—these are difficult conversations to have. Due to the closeness and importance of these individuals, staying with that discomfort and expressing your needs authentically can have a positive ripple effect in your life.

Therapy: Talking to a trained expert, processing and reframing your experiences, and finding new ways of thinking and behaving in your life are all elements of therapy. The following is a non-exhaustive list of some forms of therapy particularly relevant to issues around food and body:

* Accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy (AEDP): A technique in which the client and therapist cocreate a present, healing relationship emphasizing real-time body-based processing of difficult emotions.

* Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): A form of psycho-therapy in which you accept circumstances, process your responses,and commit to taking actions aligned with your deepest values.

* Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): A psychosocial intervention focusing on reframing thoughts so you can make positive behavioral changes.

* Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): Derived from CBT, DBT incorporates distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and mindfulness techniques to create positive behavioral change.

* Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): A form of therapy focusing on adult relationship patterns and attachment to establish trust and move relationships in a positive direction.

* Family systems therapy: A form of therapy that addresses dynamics in the family unit to identify and resolve personal and relationship challenges.

* Internal family systems therapy (IFS): A form of psychotherapy in which each individual comprises “parts,” many of which have been wounded, that serve different functions to create harmony and healing for the whole person.

* Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy: A derivative of CBT using mindfulness and meditation to reframe negative thoughts and promote positive change.

* Motivational interviewing (MI): A counseling method acknowledging the difficulty of and ambivalence toward change that harnesses an individual’s internal motivation for change.

* Somatic therapy: A body-based therapy combining talking, mind-body exercises, and physical techniques such as deep breathing to relieve symptoms associated with trauma.

Medication: Antidepressants, antianxiety meds, mood stabilizers, medications to help you sleep, medications to calm the nervous system while you work through your trauma—there are many options to consider based on your specific needs. There can still be stigma around taking medication for anything related to mental health, but these perspectives are based in ignorance and fear. If you think you might benefit from medication for depression, anxiety, or any other form of mental illness, speak with your internist, primary care physician, or (ideally) a psychiatrist. People often experience some symptom relief after making the decision to take a medication. You might discover that medication allows you to do the deeper emotional work that felt inaccessible beforehand.

Alternative therapies: Alternative therapies have come a long way from dietary supplements and yoga. If you feel you have already tried everything and are still struggling, please know there are still many options worth exploring. From off-label uses of medications, experimental therapies, and nonpharmacologic approaches such as transcranial magnetic stimulation, the world of modalities providing options in mental health continues to grow. Speak to a professional, such as a psychiatrist (whom I’ve always found to be the most knowledgeable about alternative therapies), about what might be right for you.

There is no need to get to a point of deeper suffering to engage help from others. How can you increase your sources of support now and develop a contingency plan for how you could ask for support at a later time?

MINDFUL MOMENT: Mindfully Asking for Help

Come to a quiet seated position and connect with your body. Consider where you are on your Intuitive Eating and mindfulness journey. In your journal, respond to the following prompts:

* How could I imagine eventually asking for help?

* Where are the gaps in my support system?

* What is missing from my self-care arsenal: medication, therapy,conversations with family and friends about how to specifically support me?

Tending to your emotional needs—your heart hunger—takes your Intuitive Eating practice to a much deeper level. It is often the bridge between the practice that just affects your relationship with food and body and the practice that impacts the rest of your life. Discerning when your hunger is physical and when it is emotional—and knowing in a deep and embodied way what you truly need—only fortifies your trust in your own body, mind, and heart. And it prepares you to finally make lasting peace with food.