Compassion and assertion when setting boundaries

This month in the Intuitive Eating for Life community, we are talking about navigating fatphobia, anti-fat bias, and diet mentality with family and friends. Just in time for the holidays!

To get you started on thinking about this, consider your own path to where you are now:

- How many times did you go on the dieting/restricting rollercoaster before you realized that you weren't the problem and that the diet/restriction was?
- Was there (or is there still) a period of confusion, bargaining, self-doubting, or something else that made it difficult to fully commit to Intuitive Eating? 

The family members, friends, and colleagues we want to set boundaries with are really no different than us. They might still be caught up in the cycle of restricting and binging. They might not be aware that they have options. And it might be helpful to realize this when setting boundaries.

It is possible to be simultaneously compassionate AND assertive. One of my favorite books, Buddha's Brain, speaks to this specifically. We can both assert our needs and be kind and respectful to the other party. We are all deserving of compassion, yet many of us have learned to place other people's comfort above our own. Is that really compassionate? I don't think so.

Kristen Neff addresses this nuance when she speaks about fierce self-compassion:

"Fierce self-compassion involves “acting in the world” to alleviate suffering. It tends to involve protecting, providing for, and motivating ourselves. Sometimes we need to stand tall and say no, draw boundaries, or fight injustice. Or we may need to say yes to ourselves, to do what’s needed to be happy rather than subordinating our needs to those of others. And if we’re stuck in a bad situation or habits that are harmful, it means doing something different. Not because we’re unacceptable as we are, but because we care."

As you wade into the waters of navigating these difficult topics with those closest to you, could you do so with the mind of fierce self-compassion and compassionate assertion?

And if you want to take a deeper dive into this topic, check out my new workshop Navigating fatphobia with family and friends, which is happening on October 25th from 6 pm to 7:30 pm.