How to sooth yourself mindfully
As you learned, your nervous system is constantly seeking safety. When in a dysregulated state of sympathetic or dorsal activation, certain practices can bring you back up to the regulated ventral state. Mindful soothing includes food. There will be times when using food to soothe is the right choice at the right moment. What is different about this approach from emotional overeating is the conscious choice to eat, the mindful attention paid while eating, and the freedom from guilt or shame.
+Eating: Given the variety of emotions that are dysregulating, there are different considerations in soothing yourself with food. When I am feeling stressed, my favorite crunchy snack is Inca corn, that giant, tooth-breaking corn nut. Crunchy or chewy textures regulate the nervous system when it is in a fight-or-flight sympathetic state. If feeling lonely or unwell, on the other hand, you might wish to eat something creamy, warm, or soupy. Consider the specific foods, tastes, textures, temperatures, and densities that meet your specific emotional needs in different circumstances.
+Music: There is an endless variety of music to soothe your nervous system, but different nervous systems find different types of music appealing. Consider what music you normally listen to. Is it similar to or different from the music you might opt for when feeling emotional turmoil? The answer might depend on the specific emotions you are feeling. Anger might awaken a desire for something loud and powerful, while sadness might create a longing for something slow and melodic.
+Aromatherapy: Certain scents may be soothing to your nervous system. Lavender is the best-known aromatherapy used to calm body and mind. Other soothing scents include chamomile, bergamot, sage, lemon, rose, and ylang-ylang. By contrast, orange, lemon, peppermint, balsam fir, rosemary, and cinnamon may arouse the nervous system and feel energizing.
+Movement: Whether you need to discharge fight-or-flight sympathetic energy or elevate collapsed dorsal energy, movement is a versatile tool. Ask yourself, How do I want to feel in my body? when considering using physical activity as a mindful soother. Refer to chapter 6 to review the different types of action that might be soothing to your nervous system when feeling difficult emotions.
+Restorative yoga: Restorative yoga postures address imbalances affecting the mind-body. Restorative yoga is different from more vigorous forms of yoga. It is intentionally restful and allows the body to restore using specific postures and supports such as blankets and bolsters. This practice down-regulates the sympathetic nervous system associated with states of fight or flight and upregulates the parts of the nervous system connected with rest, calm, and rejuvenation.
+Sensuality: Whether your emotion is directly related to a need for sensuality or not, engaging in consensual, fulfilling sex, masturbation, or massage can be extremely soothing for the nervous system. This is a topic often left out of resources such as this one, but we are essentially sexual and sensual beings. So please do what you can to consider this in a way that feels safe and authentic.
+Breathing exercises: Clearly the breath is a powerful way of connecting mind and body. It is also an immediate way to soothe the nervous system. The breath is directly related to heart rate, with a slight speeding up during the inhale and a slight slowing down during the exhale. Elongating your exhale—breathing in for a count of four and out for a count of eight, for example—can communicate safety to your body. For other breath work techniques, seek out the support of a trained teacher.
+Compression: Deep pressure therapy such as firm hugging, firm stroking, squeezing, or swaddling can calm a dysregulated nervous system. The most popular form of compression used these days is a weighted blanket, which should weigh about 10 percent of your body weight. Compression may help relieve anxiety and improve sleep.
+Body care: It can feel dismissive when you are suffering and someone tells you to take a warm bath. But when a warm bath or shower, a manicure and pedicure, or splashing cold water on your face is exactly what your body is asking for, it can be very regulating.
+Other sensory stimulation: Tending to the senses in other ways not named above may be regulating to you. Putting on the softest and most comfortable clothing you possess, intentionally touching specific textures such as faux fur or the softest silk, lying on an acupressure mat, or squeezing a stress ball are all valid tools to add to your mindful soothing toolbox. You can come up with more of your own as you continue to deepen your attunement to your needs.
MINDFUL MOMENT: What Are Your Go-to Mindful Soothing Techniques?
In your journal, identify at least three soothing techniques that are appealing. Come to a quiet seated position and connect with your body. Consider a time when you were struggling emotionally and imagine what mindful soothing technique might have been supportive to you. Would you opt for food or music or some form of sensory stimulation? Would you try a weighted blanket or putting on sneakers and walking out the door? Would you splash cold water on your face or take a warm bath? What specific attributes appeal to you and why? Don’t wait for a distressing emotion to come along to use these techniques. Experiment with them right away so you can start to collect data on what helps and what doesn’t. Create a list of techniques in your journal and update the list as you conduct your experiments.